How to Plan a Wedding When You're an Introvert

If you're like my husband, you thrive on being in social situations. He's an extrovert and socialising makes him buzz. But if you're more like me, you may enjoy being around people, but it doesn't take long before you've had enough. I'm an introvert and I need quiet time to recharge my social battery.

But being an introvert doesn't mean that you don't want to get married, and it certainly doesn't mean that you don't want a wedding. You may just need a different type of wedding than some of the ones you've been to. Your wedding can reflect your personality and you can still get to share that beautiful time with your family and friends without feeling completely drained afterwards.

If your worries are more about wedding-day nerves than personality, you may also like my article Getting Married When You Hate Being the Centre of Attention.

What "Should" a Wedding Look Like?

You've probably had all sorts of people tell you what your wedding "should" have in it. When Geoff and I married, I had friends and colleagues tell me all the things that I must have: a bouquet, a photographer, a cake, an aisle walk, speeches. The list seemed endless and exhausting.

This kind of pressure to have a big wedding can feel overwhelming, especially if you're already someone who doesn't enjoy being the centre of attention.

While I did choose to go with some of these things, many other suggestions were ignored.

Wedding traditions are just that – traditions. Apart from the legal requirements, you can keep or abandon as many traditions as you choose to. There are plenty of ways to create a wedding that feels calm, simple, and completely you.

Who Should be on Your Guest List?

Yes, this can be about cost. But it can also be about how you want to feel on your wedding day.

Think about your draft guest list. Who are the people on there who you feel relaxed around? They're definitely the ones who will help keep you grounded on the day. Who are you inviting because you actually want them to be there? And who are you inviting because you feel obliged to?

Let's be realistic, there may still be a few people on the list because it will make life easier. But there may be others who, when you really think about it, don't need to be there at all.

When it comes down to it, you really only need the two of you, two witnesses and your celebrant to marry.

Choose a Venue That Feels Comfortable

The feel of a venue can change the whole tone of your wedding from one where you're uncomfortable being the centre of attention to one where you're part of an enjoyable and unforgettable experience.

Choosing a more intimate space is often one of the simplest low stress wedding ideas for introverts, because it naturally reduces the feeling of being on display.

Here are just a few types of venues you may like to consider.

An intimate restaurant. You may be able to book the whole space for your wedding. There are many restaurants around that only fit a small number of people – perfect if you like a cosy space. Even bigger restaurants may have a smaller room or area you can use.

A private home. Either your own or a friend or family member's. Your home may be the place where you feel most comfortable. Why not get married there? To make things easy on yourself, there are many catering companies that will set up and serve your guests after your ceremony.

Gardens. Perth is spoilt for beautiful parks and gardens, both big and small. Again, it's about being in a space that you're comfortable in.

A winery. Many wineries have small areas where you can get married, either amongst the vines or under an arbour. A ceremony followed by lunch at long tables can be perfect for couples who prefer to be out of the limelight.

Rethink the Reception

As with the atmosphere of the venue, the type of reception can make a real difference to your comfort levels on the day.

There are so many ways to create a low stress wedding reception without doing things the traditional way.

You may consider whether to have a cocktail or a seated reception. Cocktail receptions tend to be much more informal, allowing everyone to mix, including the bride and groom. Seated receptions are more formal events, where couples are often seated in front of their guests.

Even in a seated reception, you can think about whether you want a bridal table or not. There's no rule that says the wedding party must be seated at the front of the room.

My beautiful friend Pam did something completely different. Rather than sitting at a traditional bridal table, she and her husband made up a table of their single friends and sat with them instead. They wanted their single friends to feel included rather than left sitting on tables where they didn't know many people. It suited them perfectly and created a really relaxed atmosphere.

The first dance... does the thought of it make you cringe? If so, ditch it altogether. There are plenty of alternatives to a first dance at a wedding, and you can still have dancing without putting yourself on display.

If you're someone who hates being up in front of people, the thought of speeches may be making you lose sleep. There are also wedding speech alternatives, or you can choose to keep them simple, short, and comfortable for you.

Do you want to make a grand entrance? If you do, go for it. If not, think about alternatives to a wedding aisle walk and simply enter with your guests instead.

If the thought of walking into your ceremony is what's worrying you most, I've shared lots of alternatives in Do I Have to Walk Down the Aisle? Alternatives for Anxious Brides.

Choose Vendors Who Understand You

Be a bit careful when choosing your vendors. You want vendors who understand and respect quieter personalities. Talk to prospective vendors, particularly celebrants, photographers and MCs, and let them know that you're feeling nervous about the whole thing. Ask how they'll adapt their approach to suit you.

A calm, understanding team can make a huge difference to how your day feels, especially if you're already feeling some wedding anxiety or overwhelm. It's probably best to avoid anyone whose style is completely different from what you'd feel comfortable with.

Build Quiet Moments Into Your Day

Weddings are beautiful, but they can also be hectic. Taking just a few minutes to breathe throughout the day can make a world of difference. It may be the difference between feeling completely overwhelmed and actually being able to enjoy your wedding.

If you're looking for ways to reduce wedding day anxiety, this is one of the simplest and most effective things you can do.

Some things to think about:

• Take five minutes alone together after your ceremony. Accept your family and friends' congratulations and then head somewhere private for just the two of you to really take in that you're now married. Let your photographer know you're planning to do this ahead of time. You could even share your personal vows at this time. This is exactly what one of my nervous couples did. They slipped away to a quiet spot, shared the personal words they'd written just for each other, and spent five minutes together before returning to celebrate with their guests.

• If you have a separate reception venue, travel there together, just the two of you, and go the long way round.

• Don't schedule every single minute of the day. Or if you are, actually schedule in some quiet time.

• Use your photography time to breathe a little.

  
  

Remember Why You're There

You've chosen to marry because you want to commit your lives to each other. Not to perform for other people. Not for the reception afterwards. For the two of you. To marry each other because you love each other.

At its core, the meaning of a wedding ceremony is about your commitment, not how it looks to everyone else.

If you're an introvert, there's nothing wrong with planning a wedding that reflects who you are. You don't have to have a huge guest list. You don't have to include every tradition. And you certainly don't have to spend the entire day feeling uncomfortable just because someone else thinks that's what a wedding should look like.

Some of the weddings I remember most fondly haven't been the biggest or the most elaborate. They've simply felt like the couple standing in front of me. They made choices that reflected who they were, rather than what they thought everyone else expected of them.

If that's the sort of wedding you want too, then give yourself permission to plan it your way.

Every couple is different, and one of my favourite parts of being a celebrant is helping people create ceremonies that feel comfortable and genuinely like them. You can find out more about my personalised ceremonies on my Ceremonies page.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can I have a wedding if I don’t like being the centre of attention?

Yes. Many introverts get married every day in ways that feel comfortable for them. The key is designing the day around your personality rather than forcing yourself into traditions that don’t suit you.

What type of wedding is best for introverts?

Usually something smaller, more relaxed, and less performance-based. That might be a smaller guest list, a simple ceremony, or a more informal reception style.

How do introverts cope with wedding days?

By building in space to breathe, reducing unnecessary pressure, and choosing a structure that doesn’t feel overwhelming. It’s also important to choose people around you who make you feel calm and supported.

Do I have to have a big guest list?

No. Your guest list can be as small as you want it to be. The most important people are the ones who make you feel safe, comfortable, and supported.

Can I change traditional wedding elements?

Yes. Everything from entrances to speeches to reception structure can be adjusted or removed completely. The legal part of the ceremony is the only fixed requirement.

If you have any questions about getting married, feel free to get in touch. I'm always happy to help make the process as easy and stress-free as possible.

Weddings with Cathy Home Page

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